Healing While Being Filipino
Healing While Being Filipino
Written by Dr. Therapinay,
Founder, Therapin*y & The.DrTherapinay
Are you REALLY “Filipino” if you don’t tsismis, carry around baggage, or spank your kids?! What does healing really REALLY mean for Filipinos?
Amongst the opportunity of doom scrolling reels, Little Miss [insert cheeky identifier here] memes, and influencer selfies, one fill-in-the-blank statement stood out to me: Name something you will always find in a Filipino household. Within the thread of comments were some very enlightening insight into our Filipino psyche and the mental health experiences of our community. Responses like, “judgement… negativity…generational trauma…” While these comments were being well-received and liked on social media, they were also resonating and coming up with clients and friends alike. Some common questions that would be GREAT to process with your Therapin*y provider may be:
Am I still "Filipino" and not have mother-wounds?
Follow-up: am I still "Filipino" and have a mother who isn't emotionally witholding or emotionally chaotic or passive aggressive??
Am I still "Filipino" if I go to therapy??
Follow-up: Am I whiteputi-washed if I self-care?
Am I still "Filipino" if our family stops being passive aggressive?
Am I still "Filipino" if our family isn't judgmental??
Follow-up: Am I still Filipino if I don't like to be petty, tsismis, or talk sh*t!?
Am I still "Filipino" if there is no generational trauma to pass down???
Am I still "Filipino" if I'm not catholic and religious??
If Filipinos healed, would we have anymore JoKoy's or Rex Navarettes to help us laugh at our Filipino-ness??
If Filipinos healed, would we still tsismis about others??
Follow-up: Can I still be Filipino is I didn't tsismis about others??
If I heal my internalized capitalism- not want designer bags/clothes, buy 10000 gifts for everyone during the holidays, not value the latest kicks/cars/gadgets - am I still Filipino??
So, what does “healing” really look like?
Filipino mental health and well-being have long centered around the idea of healing generational wounds, creating healthy boundaries within families, or addressing colonial mentality (or decolonization) within oneself or relationships with others. When we really think about “healing” or “self-care” there is oftentimes an image of whiteness or colonizer practices that has become widespread - the appropriation of yoga retreats, self-care Sundays, spa days, traveling to Hawai’i regardless of local Hawaiian’s urging otherwise - all of which comes down to this idea of “self-care” as an individualistic practice. Essentially, “Self-care above all else” as the battle cry. Unique to Filipinos, and many alike who come from collectivistic communities is the ability to self-care and collective care seamlessly. Ancestral healing practices for Filipinos were first documented prior to the Spanish colonization in the 16th century, and highlight the babaylans and shamans who utilize a holistic approach to medicine. These approaches included, and took into consideration, environmental factors that affect an individuals and their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
Many Filipinos have found a way to continue our healing practices of caring for each other through these holistic ways, and also take into consideration our Filipino values such as, kapwa, or shared identity. So, when we talk about healing at Therapin*y, we are really saying that we heal individually, in community, with community, and (sometimes) for community. We also know that healing can also look like turning our trauma into jokes - comedians have so so sooooo much material to use, as trauma alchemist creating mirrors of our pain as levity, which can be helpful to digest and process. For instance, a cultural signifier such as the Barrel Man was said to be a joke and entertainment based on the real conditions of poverty and sociocultural failure done by colonizers. Or, comedians who are able to highlight the struggles of many of our Filipino immigrants across the diaspora learning a new language and the accents that are consequential to that process.
Healing can look like many different things, so what we pick and choose to heal may be a matter to individual discernment with the caveat of the individual negotiating how to maintain social acceptance, connectedness, kapwa, and/or community.
But like, real talk.. if I “heal” and not participate in the tsismis, passive aggressive petty ish talk, or negativity, will I be accepted by my community?
This is where the healing gets tricky… Can Filipinos really “heal” and still be accepted or not abandoned and ostracized by community if you don’t participate in the socially-accepted practices or cultural norms, such as tsismis or sh1talking sessions?? I never said the healing practice would be easy, pretty, or even socially accepted. Going to therapy, healing, practicing healthy boundaries, or communicating using “I-statements” and using all those touchy-feely-feeling-words, can (and, often do) create waves in the family dynamics or social circles. Your healing can/will have a ripple effect - those who benefited from your wounded parts may no longer come around, or the parts of you that once resonated with toxic relationships may shift and the relationship may end - these are potential outcomes to going to therapy and healing. What is also possible is that your healing process can also inspire those around you to grow, change, transform; and some, may actually transform with you and become closer relationships to you.
So, is it worth the risk?
Starting therapy can be scary. From finding a therapist, building a good therapeutic relationship, navigating the parts of yourself you’ve hidden in the shadows of shame/embarassment, talking about trauma, or tolerating the levels of emotions, can feel just all toooooo much. It might even feel like too much of a risk, or too much of a financial issue to take on, or maybe it’s something you just thought wasn’t the right thing for you. There may be many questions you have about therapy. For those, you might find the answer in our Therapin*y Resources. If anything, have a free consult with a therapist and ask your questions, or ask a friend who’s going to therapy for their experience. In an informal survey of our community member’s experiences, and expressed their enjoyment being heard, getting non-biased and evidence-based advice, gaining insight into themselves, and also encouraged those curious to try out different therapists (because “not all therapists are created equal”). One community member described going to therapy like, “getting a massage for your soul.” Perhaps the real question might be: what’s the risk of not going to therapy, seeking support, or healing from wounds?
Does the risk outweigh the benefits??
Some of the initial risks may be that you may feel initially overwhelmed by all the feelings, which might feel "worse; you might also have to go through a few therapists to find one that fits best for you, or that it may not be financially accessible. Therapy can be a financial investment, and more and more accessible options are out there. With a growing number of therapists offering Telehealth services, you now don’t have to commute to engage in-person with a therapists, and your options for affordable services is open. At Therapin*y, we are on a mission to create accessible and engaging services for our community members, by sharing our work, supporting our organization, or investing in us, we want to give back 10-fold to YOU. Our goals have always included created accessible services, through our events where you can informally meet with many therapists to consult, connect with providers who have free/pro bono or sliding scale fees, and working to invest back into the mental health resources you may need to thrive.
To learn more about your therapy options, check out therapists and see who may align with your values wellness goals! Need a suggestion? Connect with Therapin*y!