How to Address Gaslighting?
Gaslighting: What is, AND how to address it?
Written by Dr. Therapinay
The buzz-word today is “Gaslighting”
A lot of people have caught on to this psychological phenomenon in recent years. Why??? There’s been an abundance of examples to choose from, AND many in opposition who have weaponized the language inappropriately. In recent events over the last 48 hours, the United States has…BANNED Affirmative Action from college admissions, REJECTED President Biden's Student Loan Forgiveness Plan, AUTHORIZED certain businesses to refuse to provide services for same-sex weddings, AND, BANS continue for gender-affirming care for transgender youth across states. SO…is this really gaslighting, and what to do to address it?!??!
First off, what is going on?!?
What's Gaslighting??
Gaslighting is the action and form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to create self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, leading to feelings and common questions of "am I going crazy??" This is done in order for gaslighters to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
Is this “normal”??
Over the last couple of years, gaslighting has become more commonly articulated and identified by those impacted by it. Gaslighting is NOT unique to the United States, and has been in practice well beyond the last couples of years. But, what is unique to our current events, is that gaslighting has become normalized within society, and weaponized politically.
So, how does this look like??
In the several decades that Republicans have tried to federally outlaw race-conscious admissions policies in schools that help diversify and create equitable access within college campuses. We KNOW and have PROVEN from Education experts across the country, that racially diverse college campuses benefit all students — regardless of race — as well as the campuses themselves, by offering valuable yet underrepresented perspectives.
ALSO….. there has been an uproar of arguments that Asian American are victims from such Affirmative Action policies. In Reality: This MYTH is incorrect, inaccurate, and harmful. Studies from 1995, 2002, 2009, 2015, all identify trends in the department of labor, and levels of academic achievement have disproportionately benefited women within the intersection of white Americans. The monolith term Asian-American was created to subjugate Asian Americans to oppressive conditions. Which, has also created division within, and justification for continued divisiveness based on the Model Minority Myth between Asian Americans and other communities of color!
The military exception: the recent affirmative action ban did make a military exception to continue to utilize race-based admission policies. Why does this matter?? When we consider that our Black, brown, indigenous, and peoples of color communities are disproportionately TARGETED, RECRUITED, AND ENROLLED at higher rates in the military, the political powers that be are essentially making a stance and firm statement that they more than happy to put our communities of color in the line of duty, and be expendable at war… BUT NOT be valuable enough to invest into through our educational systems.
Further continued legislation is unraveling and undermining decades of social justice efforts, marches, protests, walk-outs, hunger strikes, and all other forms of movement work. Other ways gaslighting efforts and psychological manipulation looks like:
Inflation of data (as utilized by the "Asian Americans are victims of Asian American policies"),
Exaggerating successes (e.g., the "Asian American model minority myth")
Blaming others for failure (e.g., "it's the person's fault, not gun laws", "BIPOC needs to pull up from bootstraps", "we are all equal")
Oversimplification (e.g., "There's ONLY two genders (not, sex), sexuality is ONLY heterosexual")
Ad hominem attacks (e.g., name-calling, racial slurs, equating weak with feminine/woman, demasculating men who express sadness or emotions
So, what to do????
Identify if it’s gaslighting. Gaslighting often leads you to:
doubt and question yourself
wonder constantly whether you’re too sensitive
apologize frequently
have difficulty with decision making
feel generally unhappy, confused, and not like your usual self
avoid loved ones since you don’t know how to explain what’s going on
Take some space, re-align with your values, ethics/morals, and Truth
Identify your emotions. Being gaslit can lead to a complex array of emotions - anger, embarrassment, shame, fear, sadness, desire to people please or conform. Take time to work through your emotions, so that your actions can be align with your values reflective of your whole being, and NOT just ONE of the emotions.
Oftentimes, it takes time to reflect and re-center after a disorienting experience like gaslighting. The exchange can feel confusing and throw you off your path, instinct, or sense of values.
Take time to reflect on your values, moral compass, and ethics. When reflecting larger societal events or political issues, consider how the legislation or policy at hand may impact or violate any human rights, or how it may be furthering systemic oppression.
Seek consult, utilize a coach/therapist/healer
Consult with an organization, student group, professor, coach, therapist, or healer that may be align with your values
Check-in with others who affirm your humanity and dignity
Process with friends, family, colleagues, or community members who may validate your feelings, or help you better understand any conflicting messages you may have experienced when being gaslit
Get educated, Connect with community, Organize
Talk with others. I love my teacher/professor friends and colleagues who are well-versed at political gaslighting, and psychological wellness - they, not only support a person’s sense of identity and self, they also help explore different possibilities or ways to progress
Perhaps connect with community organizations, activists, and movement leaders. These spaces allow for actionable responses to injustice, and help move emotions from being stuck into system change work.
When you’re ready and able, there is a therapist waiting for you (seriously, frfr) to help and connect with for all this hardbeautifulgrievingliberating work at Therapinay.com.
AND, if you’re a wellness practitioner - a health provider, therapist, healer, coach - consider JOINING our Filipin@/x wellness movement!! Our community can grow, heal, and thrive with YOU in it! To learn more, check out hot to GET LISTED!